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Transition issues: Window of tolerance

Writer's picture: MaDonna MaurerMaDonna Maurer

Choosing to live overseas means living in transition. People come into your life; others leave. Or you find yourself surrounded by moving boxes and wonder why your daughter spilling a plastic glass of water caused you to respond like someone was attacking you with fire.


Why is that?


Most likely, it is because you are living outside your "window of tolerance."





Window of Tolerance?


Dr. Dan Siegel coined this phrase to describe the optimal emotional zone where a person can tolerate daily stressors without a problem. Our bodies constantly release hormones to keep us at this level where we can function normally. Dr. Esther R. Cole in Psychology Today says that when these "hormones are more level (within our window of tolerance), we feel more able to handle situations appropriately"(1). This window is not the same width for everyone, and it can change depending on what is going on in your life. At Mind My Peelings, Anthony describes this window as a river where one floats along. When we are functioning within the window of tolerance, it is like riding on a slow, easy river. He points out that stress and trauma can narrow this river, therefore narrowing the gap of tolerance and causing a fast and rough ride (2). Annie Wright, in her article at Psychology Today, agrees with this. She says that each person's window is unique and is affected by "our personal histories and whether or not we came from childhood trauma backgrounds, our temperaments, our social supports, our physiology, etc."(3). When we are within our window of tolerance, we are more grounded, flexible, and curious and have the ability to be emotionally regulated.


What does it mean to be outside my window of tolerance?


The typical response is fight, flight, or freeze when something extremely stressful occurs. This moving out of your window of tolerance is known as dysregulation. Feelings of anxiety or agitation are felt but still within control. If these feelings are not regulated, they lead to one of two paths: Hyper-arousal or Hypo-arousal.


YOU CAN DOWNLOAD THIS GRAPH FOR FREE HERE WITH MIND MY PEELINGS.


HYPER-AROUSAL

Hyper-arousal is the area where fight-or-flight feelings occur. You either want to fight whatever is coming your way or flee it. Some of the sentiments around these two tend to be anxiety, anger, high energy, chaos, or being overwhelmed.


hypo-arousal

Hypo-arousal, on the other hand, is where one freezes. It may feel as if your body is shutting down. Dr. Cole states that one may "feel overwhelmed with shame, numb to emotions, withdraw, feel depressed, or dissociate in order to cope with the situation or trigger."


Hope in transition


Times of transition can either cause our windows to shrink or allow them to widen. We can increase the window of tolerance. Wright says this can be done two ways: through "foundational biopsychosocial elements" and by working to "cultivate and call upon a wide range of tools."


The first part involves self-care of your physical and mental states. This can be done through good sleeping and eating patterns and finding community.


In the second part, Wright says we do this by "how we practice resiliency and rebound when we find ourselves in hyper- or hypo-arousal zones." This can be done through tools and habits that help you to regulate, soothe, and reground yourself.


If you need ideas to help you in your current transition, you can check out these resources I provide: LANDing Well for the Newbie, DOCKing Well for the Stayer, and RAFTinG Well for the Leaver. Or feel free to book a consultation.

Resources:

(1) Dr. Esther R. Cole (April 10, 2020), "Expanding the "Window of Tolerance," Psychology Today, https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/lifespan-psychology/202004/expanding-the-window-tolerance

(2)Anthony (April 19, 2019), "Understanding the Window of Tolerance and How it Affects You," Mind My Peelings, https://www.mindmypeelings.com/blog/window-of-tolerance

(3) Annie Wright (May 23, 2022), What Is the Window of Tolerance, and Why Is It So Important?," Psychology Today, https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/making-the-whole-beautiful/202205/what-is-the-window-of-tolerance-and-why-is-it-so-important



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